Frank and John plot revenge on the evil Michael Ballack
Fat Frank has turned down a lucrative contract offer with Chelsea. Meanwhile, in a sleepy mediterranean town, a small fan-owned club called Barcelona has decided that they don’t require the services of England’s porky, misfiring midfielder. Having already met their quota of one portly tackle-shy hasbeen, and having just splashed out £16 000 000 on another soon-to-be 30 year-old on the fast-track away from brilliance, the Catalonian club clearly feels that one fat man and one comedy signing is all they need at present.
Perennial fontrunners in la liga’s laughing stock stakes, Real Madrid, have also decided to deprive their fans the sight of Frank’s plaintive look of schoolboy sorrow, primarily because Ruud van Nistelrooy’s salary means they can’t afford to lose more than 5 balls a game to the fans in row Z.
Milan join Barcelona and Madrid in denying any interest in Frank, which means that our hero can either swallow his pride and accept the paltry £110 000 a week on offer from Chelsea, or embark on a danger-filled but comical expedition of great genius to reclaim from the personal vault of Michael Ballack the millions that are rightfully Frank’s. With John Terry also reportedly unhappy about the money on offer to him, Frank may have found a Brad to his George. However, until they can find an American willing to flog a cockney accent within an inch of its life, Ballack’s bullion will be safe for the time being. Oh, Don Cheadle’s free next week, you say….
